Quit being polite! No… I didn’t say start being rude. I said quit being polite to the point that you shut down, walk away, boil, snipe, snap, and only end up venting to the people who can’t help you. Only you can help you and it’s time to start.
Time after time I’ve run into wonderful people who have grown up learning to be polite but never learned how to turn that politeness into tactful assertiveness while still valuing people. As adults, they’ve equated polite with not ruffling any feathers, not being able to differ with someone else, with diminishing the value of their own opinion, and not being able to speak up without shutting down.
If this is you, if you are that intelligent, polite person who tends to remain silent or walk away from situations or conversations, only to have that silence ooze out of you through frustration and emotional reactions and sarcasm that turns you into a person that even YOU don’t like, then this information is for YOU!
When you shut down, walk away, boil, snipe, or snap, what’s going on in your head? Why do you communicate the way you do?
Often times we get so focused on the “what” of the situations around us, (what other people are doing to us; what they said; what they didn’t say), that we fail to stop and think of the “why”… why do these situations happen to us? Step #1 is to discover what’s going on in your head.
“This is why! This is the reason why!” came the spontaneous comment from a person sitting in my audience. Her hair was a deep shade of auburn, and by the time she finished her statements, her face had also taken on a similar hue to match. She pounded her fist on the conference table and continued, “This is why. This is why I’m ready to quit my job! I never get the credit for the work I do, for the ideas I submit. And when I ask my boss, I get the same response every time: ‘You’ll get the credit, eventually.’ But that eventually never happens! I’ve tried being polite but it’s JUST NOT WORKING!”
Sound familiar? Or maybe you’ve found yourself silently thinking… “I do have a thought about that. I do have a solution that could work… I do have creative insights to this problem…. I do, I do, I do! But I don’t know how to get that across! I don’t know how to say it so you will hear me. I don’t know how to say it so it sounds intelligent. I don’t know how to say it without sounding stupid.” Or maybe your internal thoughts something like this: “Just let it go. It’ll eventually blow over.” “It won’t happen again.”
Often times you speak too politely and don’t get your point across OR you don’t speak up at all… only to find yourself venting to someone who’s not even part of the situation or solution.
Are you tired of being the one who is always overly-polite? Have your emotions built up long enough that now you NEED to figure it out, you have to know… “How do I get my point across BEFORE I go into silent mode or walk away from situations or conversations… before that silence oozes out of me through frustration and emotional reactions that turn me into a person that even I don’t like!”
Are you ready to take the stress out before it stresses you out? Are you ready to change your future outcomes by changing your current inputs?
My goal is to help you identify “what” (not always “who”) triggers you to shut down (or snap!), and to teach you to RESPOND rather than REACT to the situations around you. Yes, what you have to say, matters. You have intelligent thoughts. You have a voice. You can break through and be heard… not overly-polite, not rude, but tactful and confident and using the emotional intelligence that still values both you and the people around you. ♦
Interested in finding out more? Kathleen conducts organizational training and individual coaching. Contact her for more insights on team dynamics, productivity, and managing conflict: Info@RandallResourcesInt.com.
Copyright 2015 Randall Resources Int’l. All rights reserved.
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Kathleen M. Randall, CSP, is a communication strategist who works with leaders and organizations whose productivity and profitability are dependent upon successful relationships. For more information, contact Info@RandallResourcesInt.com.